Conflict makes a story better

I may have jinxed the Miami Heat. I didn’t mean to and I feel bad about it. I was actually rooting for them to win the championship. My wife and I were following the series like mad, hoping that they would pull it off. I wanted Bron Bron to win a ring. I wanted to see him hoist the trophy high into the air. I wanted Dan Gilbert to be speechless. But winning championships is not easy work.

The jinx came a few days ago, right before game five. I was thinking about the drama of Lebron leaving Cleveland and how he became this villain character and how everyone hated him and then he wound up in the Finals (something his team wasn’t expected to do until a year or two later.) This is where I jinxed it. I told my wife that Lebron leaving Cleveland and then the next year winning a championship didn’t seem like a good story. It was sort of the antithesis of hard work and perseverance. I’m not saying that the Heat didn’t work hard this year. They did. They had an incredible season. I started thinking, though, that the team hadn’t struggled enough to win it all. Sometimes in order to win, you have to lose first. Motivation comes from almost achieving your goal and then falling short. It then makes the time you do win that much sweeter.

I was thinking about Lebron and the Heat and the fact that they hadn’t dealt with enough pain and heartache to win a championship. And then the clock ran out in Miami in game six with a 7 foot German holding his first championship and the MVP of the Finals trophy. And Lebron’s critics flooded the social media scene with posts and tweets. “He’s no MJ.” “He is not as good as Kobe.” “He can’t make change for a dollar because he doesn’t have a fourth quarter.” The funny thing was that most of it was spot on criticism. He didn’t show up to play in the last three games of the series. It was an accurate description of how poorly he played. Yes, the team failed, but so did Lebron. And eventually, if he can return and rise above the criticism, it will make for a good story.

The only way critics are silenced is with action. The only way dreams are achieved is when you work long enough and hard enough to see them unfold. Lebron has a lot to work on to improve his game. He may even have to change the way he plays in order to help his team win. A better story than winning a championship your first year with a new team is losing it, and coming back in the future, ready to achieve what you couldn’t before.

Conflict in a story and in our lives is necessary. Conflict shapes characters and people. It forces someone to persevere. It also puts things in perspective. Furthermore, when people have to work hard for something it calls out the best in them. A relationship will have a better foundation if there is a conflict a couple must work through and overcome. Graduating from school is that much more meaningful when you shed a little blood, sweat and tears along the way. Our careers take on new meaning when we face adversity and hardship, and find a way to succeed even if those around us desire us to fail. Conflict makes a story better.

I’m not sure what is next for Lebron and the Heat. Perhaps they will add another team member to their squad and become “The Big Four.” Perhaps Heat owner, Pat Riley, will reveal his slicked back hair is actually the world’s most massive comb over. I’m not sure. I imagine, though, that the pain of not winning a championship will add some fuel to the fire. A team that appeared destined to win and didn’t, will have to start all over again. And the conflict will make the team better. It might even propel them to win a championship in the future.

Your dream stinks

There is a great musical number in the movie Tangled where a bunch of scary misfits confess their dreams in a tavern. It’s comical because the scene is full of tough, ruffian Viking characters—who are large and in charge, brandishing massive weapons—all singing about wanting to be concert pianists and die hard romantics. The song simply says over and over again, “I’ve got a dream…”

At the end of the musical number there is a funny one liner. Rapunzel is leaving the tavern and one of the Viking’s says to her, “Go. Live your dream.” Flynn Ryder, Rapunzel’s costar/romantic interest, answers back, “Thanks. I will.” The Viking turns to him and says, “ Your dream stinks. I was talking to her.” My wife has watched this movie at least a dozen times since we bought it and I still laugh every time I hear that line.

Your dream stinks.

Perhaps we haven’t heard someone tell us outright that they think our dreams stink, but maybe we’ve felt the sting of our dreams not working out. We really thought we could play professional basketball one day and only grew to be 5’2. We were certain that the music gig would have turned into a record deal, and it only landed us playing at birthday parties and church coffee houses. And of course, the silver screen was going to be our destiny until we realized we weren’t Disney Channel “material.”

Undoubtedly, we’ve all cringed when watching a show like American Idol, witnessing the candidacy of the judges, shattering the dreams of hopeful pop stars. We’ve thought: How can they be so cruel? Most of the time when we’re criticized, especially when it’s directed at something we’ve grown passionate about, it translates in our minds as a critique of our personhood and character. Someone tells us we’re not good at something and we think that means we’re not good. If our dream stinks, then, well, we as person must stink too.

I wonder, though, if there is another way to look at it. Perhaps at times our dreams do stink, but not because of anything we’ve done. Our dreams stink, rather, because we’ve been sold a lie about dreams. And so a lot of us have been pursuing dreams that aren’t giving us life or producing goodness in the world. Our dreams stink because they are motivated by selfishness.

One of these dreams in particular is the dream for fame and wealth. Naturally, we seek recognition, status and prominence. Our world has told us that to be of value we have to be of a certain caliber. This means we need the looks, the job, the money and the swagger (yes, we might even need to hire a swagger coach). A combination of wealth, fame and talent give us great worth. Furthermore, it is only when these things are recognized by others (and by others I mean lots of others) that we truly have worth.

No wonder Youtube is full of people singing, acting and pursuing their dreams. They long to be discovered. We are taught that only in discovery can our dreams be reached. We are advertised a version of success and asked to consider how we might reach that too. The problem, however, is that not everyone in the world can be famous. There has to be a chasm between the rich and poor, the un-famous and the superstar, the unknown and the “it guy or girl.” There needs to be those who can support the famous. And this is what we dream about—making the move from unknown to known. The world has influenced us so heavily that at the core of our dreams, we are really searching for someone to tell us we’re valuable.

We should pause for a second. Every one of us probably in some way shape or form desires a little fame and fortune. Who wouldn’t? It’s not necessarily a bad thing to want to be known for your contribution to the world. But if that is all our dream is— a chance to be famous and rich—it really does stink.

A glance through the Scriptures reveals that God is a perpetual dreamer. He is involved in creating and recreating life in the world. He pursues relationships and surprises us with mercy and grace. He coordinates miraculous signs and wonders to take place. He waits patiently for his people to respond. The Zohar (a book of Jewish mysticism) states, “God creates new worlds constantly.” He is a creative, dream pursuing visionary. Then we reach Jesus in the New Testament. He is a dreamer too. He challenges the status quo and invites his follower to pursue a different existence; he invites them to dream radical and life-altering dreams and does this all under the title of “His Kingdom.”

God’s kingdom—his reign, rule and place of authority—is an invitation to dream. It’s a place where actors act, artists create, leaders lead, and authors write. God’s kingdom is a realm where dreamers don’t stop pursuing their wishes, but there is a change of focus.

Back to Tangled.

Flynn Ryder’s dream was about making lots of money. That was it. It’s not hard to see why that dream stinks. I often wonder what God thinks of some of our dreams. If we want riches, God might say: “I’m not impressed with the size of your bank account or your accumulation of stuff—it’s meaningless.” Or for those who desire fame, He might add: “Why do you so desperately need to be known? I know you and that is all that matters.”

We need a different foundation for our dreams. Instead of following a pattern of dreams that only a few people can ever reach, we start thinking in terms of God’s Kingdom. Is the focus of our dreams utterly selfish, or is it self-less? When we join God’s Kingdom, we begin to dream the type of dreams that bring healing, life, love and forgiveness to the world. We pursue a different way to live and desire to tell good stories with our lives. Our attitude changes to become like that of Christ (Philippians 2:5). Moreover, instead of weighing our lives down with impure expectations and motives, we embrace God’s dreams and find ourselves lost in a cause so deep and wide that anyone can join in. There is room for every dreamer out there to have a different kind of dream.

So, how do we know if our dream doesn’t stink? Does your dream involve others? Fame and fortune are fleeting. No matter how big your hearse is, you still can’t take it all with you. That leads us to wonder if a dream, inspired by God, is something that lasts in a different way. Rather than building our dream upon a foundation based on what the world says is success, we build our dreams upon the very things that God believes in: love, justice, acceptance and redemption. Dreams with an altruistic foundation outlive our lives and find fruition in the people we’ve helped along the way.

Perhaps, then, there are times when we need to reevaluate our dreams. We ask probing questions of our dreams and see if they line up with God’s dream in Scripture. In this way, we pursue something beautiful and lasting. Our dreams, fused with God’s purposes, are light in a dark place. They have the potential to bring healing and real change in our world. Rather than accumulate awards and riches, we practice the wonderful act of surrender in order to receive from God.

What do you think? Does your dream stink? 

Love Wins

It seems like everyone and their mom has been blogging about books lately, especially Love Wins. I thought I should blog about it as well: it was awesome.

Here is another awesome book about the power of love--perhaps even God's love. Maybe you remember reading this book when you were younger or receiving it as a gift and thinking: "Thanks, a book." Compared to Nintendo Games and Ninja Turtle action figures, it did little to impress me in childhood. The ironic thing, though, about most "children's" books is that they are about something more. Exploring the "more" later on usually results in gratitude.

Check out this short reading of the book by Brennan Manning:

"'And that, Shel Silverstein said, is my understanding of Jesus Christ.'" Have you reflected lately on the unstoppable, passionate love of Christ for you? It's a love that knows no bounds.

"If God is for us, who can be against us" Romans 8:31

Saints--Rich Mullins

I decided I would write a series of blogs about people who inspire me to move closer to Jesus. I guess we can call these individuals “saints.” Some of these saints are a little old school; others are more contemporary.

I decided to start with a man who, like many saints throughout history, left this earth a little too soon (although I’m sure he isn’t complaining). His name is Rich Mullins. He was a Christian recording artist, a dreamer and a follower of Jesus. His life, his story and his music continue to inspire me. I’ve attached a video that, I believe, captures the beauty of his life.

In the video he shares openly about the nature of sin and temptation as well as a personal struggle he was dealing with on one of his travels. Then, he plays one of my favorite songs of all time, which also happens to be one he wrote, called Hold Me Jesus. I encourage you to take five minutes out of your day and watch this video. Even in this short video, you will notice how remarkably transparent this man was and how deeply he loved Jesus.

I honestly don’t think there is another song that touches my heart the way this tune does. I hope you are blessed by it:

What I learned from Kobe Bryant

A few weeks ago I was listening in on ESPN radio and none other than the Black Mamba himself, Kobe Bryant, happened to be on. The show’s host had invited him on the air for an interview. Immediately, curiosity set in and I turned up the volume. Now, I should be honest here. Nothing against Kobe, but I’m not a huge fan. I always recognize and respect basketball talent, but that doesn’t mean I cheer for the person. Part of this has to do with being a Blazers fan growing up and always wishing the Blazers could have taken it to the Lakers when it really counted. Alas, this never happened. My bitterness, though, has receded over the years. I’ve been healed. It was good money spent on therapy.

Anyways, the interview with Kobe was fascinating. Kobe shared some of his thoughts on the NBA and on how the Lakers were doing so far this year. He answered some critical questions by the host and with an air of confidence, assured the listeners that the Lakers would be doing just fine come play offs. I have to say, I completely believed him. One thing I noticed from the interview was that Kobe never took the focus off of himself. When asked about the Heat, he brought it back to himself. When questioned if the Spurs would upset the Lakers, again, without hesitation, he brought the issue back to his setting and his life. This move wasn’t done out of arrogance or some deep seeded narcissism; rather, I realized, it was done out of confidence in his pursuit of excellence.

Kobe believes his success is not contingent upon what other people do around him. That is why on the air he didn’t get rattled by criticism or even react to the mentioning of the successes of other players and teams. It just didn’t matter because he was confident in his job and his skills. One line from the interview that really stood out to me was when Kobe said, “I know I have to put the work in.” Putting the work in, as Kobe explained, is about doing what you know you need to do in order to be the best you can be. “Putting the work in” is not about comparing oneself to others or living in a state of reaction, based upon what’s happening around you. On the contrary, it’s about focusing on oneself.  Besides, as Kobe mentioned, the only real improvement I can make is to improve myself.

Many of us find heroes or successful people we want to emulate. We see the good they produce—the books they write, the movies they make, the songs the compose—and we want to be like them. We see loving families and notice strong friendships between people.  It looks attractive and we want that for our lives too. The only problem is, that most of us don’t want to do what they did to get there. We want the success, but lack the work ethic and discipline to achieve it. Reading a good story is always fun. Writing the story, on the other hand, rarely ever is. We all want to tell good stories, but first we have to be willing to write them.

Perhaps this is the reason why there is only one Kobe Bryant.

Sometimes the best advice is no advice

Have you ever noticed how sometimes the best advice you can give someone is no advice at all? We live in a society where we are constantly searching for answers. It seems like everyone has at least one consultant they can call upon. You have someone to help you with your finances; another to give you “life coaching” (whatever that is); and if you’re rich then you might have a personal trainer as well. In every aspect of our lives, we are searching for those who can give us good advice.

I think this is true in my life to a degree as well. Especially in hindsight, I can see the many people I sought advice from over the years. Some of it was great advice. I had people who genuinely cared about me. They wanted what was best for me. Regardless of their motives, though, the best advice doesn’t always come in the form of stating your opinion. In fact, I think it rarely does. The best advice I’ve ever received was when someone intentionally chose not to give me advice at all. Their silence spoke louder than words or proactive plans that I could follow. They helped me because of what they didn’t say. Their ultimate refusal to tell me what I “should do” was not a hindrance to my growth as a person; rather, it was an opportunity to become the person I had to become on my own initiative. No advice was good advice. Further, not giving me advice was really a sign of someone’s wisdom.

When I think of wisdom, I can’t help but think about the book of Proverbs in the Bible. It is a book full of wise sayings that were passed down from different generations. This book of sayings and adages, though, were not secret formulas that automatically gave you wisdom. Rather, they were ideas that could help someone live a good and fulfilling life. Proverbs devotes many of its chapters to the achievement of wisdom and the importance of seeking wise counsel.

Wise counsel.

When we ask someone for advice, what we are really asking for is their counsel, right? But wise counsel doesn’t necessarily mean giving people answers or telling them what they should do. That is not counsel. That is not empowering someone. That is simply the stating of your opinion. Which depending on who you are, could mean very little. It’s like the person who is always sharing advice on relationships and they’ve never been in one. They might have read some Joshua Harris book in the past, but that in no way gives them credibility to speak on the subject. They are a purposeless voice, who may have great intentions, but is nevertheless, an incessant and annoying reminder as to why some people should keep their opinions to themselves. No one wants to be “that guy” or “that girl.” Do we seek to give wise counsel or to just be heard?

Counsel is really about helping someone find their way. It is assisting them on their journey and allowing them the power to choose and figure things out on their own. When we constantly “counsel” people by the sharing of our opinion or telling them what we would do in a given situation, we take away the power of their choice. Our influence can become too big in someone’s life. Instead of figuring out how things should really be, they just do what we say. That is not helping someone become a mature and complete person. That is hindering them. Parents do this. Pastors do this. Friends do this.

Viktor Frankl, the famous concentration camp survivor and author, said that the last of any human freedom is the ability to choose—to choose one’s attitude, thoughts and to make decisions. Do we allow people to truly choose if our counsel is always giving them answers? Sometimes our silence says as much as the words we say. Furthermore, our ability to not tell people what to do has a tremendous impact, even if it is not immediate. It is a sign of maturity when our counsel gives people freedom to figure things out on their own.

Mark Twain once said that if he had to live life over again, he would have said less. Perhaps there should be times when we practice the art of restraint. Not because we don’t have meaningful ideas or good things to say, but because our silence can mean someone else finds the solution they were looking for. Moreover, I rarely hear someone praised for his or her “advice-giving-opinion-stating” abilities. People are praised for their ability to listen. A good leader, and a good friend for that matter, will artfully and tactfully choose when to give advice and when to say nothing. They will allow their silence to be as important as their words.

God—A Hopeless Romantic

Have you ever read a part of scripture and thought: “Really, God? That seems a bit over the top, even for you.” Sometimes reading though scripture feels like your watching a Tim Burton movie—constant special effects and weird stuff happening everywhere. There are bushes that catch on fire, the parting of waterways, multitudes of angelic choruses singing together, and dead people rising from the grave. Have you ever read one of God’s miracles and thought God was a bit too theatrical? Or perhaps thought that he likes grand gestures a bit too much? By the time you reach the New Testament you begin to think that maybe God is bragging just a bit, almost as if to say “Look what I can do next!”

Perhaps God is a bit theatrical at times, constantly showcasing his power through signs and wonders, all the while continually reaching out to his creation time and time again. There are moments when God seems too forgiving and too loving. There are moments when he says one thing and then does another. He tells his people he is going to bring calamity upon them and then decides to give them a second chance (well, more like a thousand second chances). Just when you think he has finally done enough, voila! He strikes again, reaching out to touch his creation once more. In fact, we begin to see that God never tires of reaching out to his people.

As God reaches out to his people, he begins to appear as this greater pursuer. He is deliberate, patient and tenacious. But what exactly is he pursuing?

One of the things God seems pretty keen on is getting his people to recognize his love for them. God keeps sending all of these reminders in the scriptures that he is close to his creation, cares for them, and has their best interests at heart. His love is so grand that uniformity alone would not do it justice. God could have chosen to make every person reciprocate this love automatically. He could have made us robots. But forced love, is not really love at all. Love is a choice. God chose to love us and allows us to choose to love him back. However, his love is never contingent on our love. In fact, his love cannot be defined in our own limited understanding of what love should be. His love is infinite, pure and unending. God is a patient lover who has made the first move. He waits for us to return the gesture, all the while showing us that His love is eternal and will never fade out. Brennan Manning puts it this way: "Human love will always be a faint shadow of God’s love. Not because it is too sugary or sentimental, but simply because it can never compare from whence it comes. Human love, with all its passion and emotion, is a thin echo of the passion/emotion love of Yahweh."

I wonder if that is why the psalmist can cry out “Your love is better than life.” Or why he can pray to God: “Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.” Satisfy us with your unfailing love? That is a bold request. Could it be that God’s love is so good and so strong that it can do just that? That it can satisfy us.

Satisfaction.

That is a word we don’t hear very often. It seems like most of us are very unsatisfied. We keep searching for the next thing, the next love or the next relationship that will finally give us peace. It’s a Never-Ending Story—and not a cool one that has mythical far away places and giant flying dogs.

God’s love is not far away or distant. His love has no contingencies. It is real. It is unfailing. And it is all-satisfying. I wonder if God is really a hopeless romantic at heart and he delights in wooing and awing his creation. Perhaps he is the greatest romantic that exists. And maybe every time we take part in a little romance or choose to show some grand gesture of our affection to someone we love, we are, in fact, acting like our creator. Perhaps romance is a sign that we are partnering with God in an epic love story that has existed since the beginning of time. We are choosing to love and be loved. We are embracing the hopeless romantic inside all of us.