Goals

My life feels like that song Fly like the Eagle. You know, time keeps on slipping and slipping into the future. (Seal is a prophet and Space Jam is one of the greatest movies ever made.) The brevity of this past year, though, has been redeemed by the memories and good stories that I’ve had the privilege of being apart of. At the beginning of the year, like in years past, I made the infamous list of “New Years Resolutions.” Every year has been the same pattern for me: write a list, discipline yourself for a few weeks, and then forget about the resolutions by February. It’s easy to see why these “resolutions” became a point of frustration—I never complete any of them.

This year, however, was different. I was inspired to try a new way of framing my goals. I am a daily subscriber to Donald Miller’s blog and was influenced greatly by his perspective on goals. Goals by themselves can be good, but they can also be lifeless and without purpose. He suggested writing our goals in the form of a narrative. Goals, then, aren’t simply tasks to check off a to-do list, but are integral to your personal development. Your goals can help you tell a good story with your life. I thought that was mind blowing.

I took Don’s advice and came up with three goals that fit into the narrative of my life; three things that would help me be a better person and pursue the dreams I have for myself.

Blog

My first goal was to start this blog. For the most part, I am hyper critical of anything I say or write. So I decided I needed to do something that would force me to write and allow my family, friends and foes to respond to my thoughts and also create some meaningful dialogue about life and faith. And I also really like finding pictures on the internet that go along with my topics.

Be Spontaneous

Secondly, I wanted to be more spontaneous with my friends and with how I spent my time. There are many moments when my schedule gets so rigid and I live my life according to my calendar. I realized that this way of living is dumb. Real dumb. So, I’ve tried to incorporate more spontaneity into daily living—talking to the stranger at the Post Office, staying out late on a work night, taking more time for long conversations and trips to Starbucks—and have, honestly, been surprised by the results. I’m starting to realize that God works through us when we allow ourselves the time to be open to Him.

Run a Half-Marathon

My third goal was to run a half marathon. I used to run in high school (although my true passion in sports has always been swimming and basketball) and was never very good at it. I wasn’t fast, or part Kenyan, so I was just an average runner. I realized, however, that running was a sport that I could do no matter where I was. Furthermore, it would require some real discipline on my part to complete a half marathon. I wanted more discipline in my life and I figured the necessary physical training for a race of this proportion would be a great exercise in self-motivation and discipline. I was right. I’ve run more in the past three months than the past five years. Last Saturday, I ran across the finish line of my first half marathon. Covered in dirt and sweat, with weak knees and a throbbing left ankle, I stood victorious over the 13.1 miles. It was a great feeling to accomplish a goal, not simply for marking something off my to-do list, but realizing that the journey was where the true satisfaction came from.

In fact, all three of my goals were about the “process” more than the production. Disciplining myself to write my blog monthly; choosing to be a little cheesy at times to enable more spontaneity; and taking the time to train for a half marathon. The process was a good story that I wanted to share with the world. For the first time in my life I actually stuck with my New Year’s Resolutions. I am proud of this year and the person I am becoming. It does, however, beg the question: what’s next? The year 2011 is wide open.  Is it time for me to pursue other dreams? Should I write the novel? Will this be the year that I try out for the Clippers? Can I finally muster up the courage to ask John Mayer if we can go on tour together? Time will tell I suppose.

Weak is the new Strong

“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness. So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

I've been thinking lately that weak is the new strong. Everywhere I turn, I meet people who are overwhelmed by life. They are stressed, worried and anxious about everything. We are overworked and under-relaxed, and most of us feel just a step ahead of total burnout. I know I fit this description too. It seems like we’ve tried the route of being strong and competent, feeling like we could take on the world, but somewhere along the way, we recognized we couldn’t maintain the pace.

I realized over the past few months that I tend to live my life like I am unlimited. I ignorantly and foolishly live like there is no amount of work or stress that I cannot handle or conqueror. I quickly learn, however, that there is point where I reach my limit. Running has taught me this valuable lesson. Several times a week I lace up my shoes and go for a run. I try and push myself, increasing mileage as well as the pace. Truth be told, though, there is a certain limit that I cannot cross. No matter how hard I push myself, at this point in my training it is impossible for me to reach beyond that breaking point. This has been a good reminder for my life lately, too. I have to remind myself that God is the one who is unlimited, not me.

That is why I'm beginning to think that weak is the new strong. If I can learn to live from my place of weakness, how much more dependent will I be on God’s strength? Rather than place the focus on how strong I am, I can learn to live and move in how strong He is. Perhaps, then, I will be at a place where I truly understand strength.

“All dear friends everywhere, who have no helper but the Lord, who is your strength and life, let your cries and prayers be to him, who with his eternal power has kept your heads above all waves and storms.” George Fox

Positive and Negative Turns

“Man fully alive is the glory of God” Irenaeus

This past September I attended the Storyline Conference with Donald Miller in my hometown of Portland, Oregon. The entire trip was inspirational and nostalgic. Don was great. I sat in the second row of the conference’s theater and just smiled for two days straight like some star-struck teen in front of the Jonas Brothers. (Christian fame is funny isn’t it? It was kind of like the time I saw Rob Bell and I was like “Oh my gosh, there’s Rob Bell!” Oh wait… he is just an ordinary guy with some cool glasses.) For the past two months, I’ve been going back over my notes from the conference and putting into practice some of the things we learned. One of the most effective exercises, for me, was to map out my life thus far on a storyline. On a sheet of paper, I traced my life (as best as I could remember it) and made a timeline of all the positive and negative events that have transpired in my 25 years of life. It was eye opening.

Using the form of a narrative, Don says that every story (and every life) has both positive and negative “turns.” A story “turn” is a point in the story where you walk through a doorway and can never return. This is the moment where Frodo accepts his duty to destroy the ring. Or, as a personal favorite, the decision of Bill and Ted to do whatever it takes to complete their history report. By the time someone is in their 30’s they’ve had an average of 20 of these “turns” in their life. This could be a new relationship, the completion of a degree, a new job, or the loss of a loved one.

Don suggested we map out these “turns” in the life of Joseph in the OT and then our personal lives. Joseph’s life is a great example of positive and negative turns and since I’ve started viewing his life as a narrative, I’ve come to appreciate it more. Joseph’s tale begins with a dream and then what follows are many positive and negative events that could derail him from that dream. For example, Joseph has a dream that one day he will rule (positive); he tells his brothers of this dream and they get jealous (negative); he is sold into slavery (negative); becomes a slave at a wealthy man’s house (positive); is harassed by this man’s wife (negative); ends up in prison (negative); meets a cupbearer who hears of his gift of interpreting dreams (positive); the cupbearer forgets about him (negative); Joseph eventually fulfills his dream (positive). The goal of Joseph’s dream of ruling is summed up in Genesis 50: “what you intended for harm, God intended it for good...to save many lives.” That was the point of Joseph’s story. God wanted to use Joseph’s life to save many lives.

As I’ve looked back over my life, it was incredible to map out the positive and negative aspects that are apart of my story. Interestingly, it was both the positive and negative turns that have brought me to where I am today. It’s odd to look at your life on a piece of paper and see every detail fitting perfectly together. You have a number of those “aha” epiphany moments where you say, “That makes sense.” I’ve completed the exercise about three times now, adding more detail each new time I’ve tried it. And my response has been the same as I’m able to look down upon the storyline of my life: gratitude. I can’t help but be thankful for where I am today. Every event and experience has taught me something. I can celebrate the good and the bad times, even rejoice at the places where I’ve suffered because without them, I don’t know where I’d be.

In her book, Managing Stress, Kath Donovan said: “In the order of God, pain is one of the best facilitators of the process of transformation.” How true is that statement. Joseph’s story would be incomplete without the negative turns. He would have never reached his dream if he didn’t have conflict and suffering along the way. Furthermore, a story with only positive turns would not be a very interesting story. And as Don has said numerous times, “if something won’t make a story meaningful, it won’t make a life meaningful either.”

Since the conference, I’m beginning to own my story. It’s my story and no one else’s. I’m thankful for the places I’ve been and the places I’m going. Who knows what the future holds. And who cares. It will fit perfectly into my storyline.

The 10 Miler

Going for run is kind of like going to the dentist. No one wants to do it. You begin this venture consciously knowing that some form of pain is involved; and yet, when it’s over, you’re glad you ran…or went to the dentist. Well, in theory that’s how it works.

This past Saturday I participated in a 10 mile run at Huntington Beach. It was a great day spent with friends and students from my youth group. As the race started, I found myself at the very end of the pack and slowly moved up past the joggers and positioned myself somewhere in the middle of this large group of runners. About four miles into the race, I noticed that I was running by myself. I began focusing on this kid ahead of me who looked like he was eleven. I made it my goal to pass him.

It wasn’t too long after this that I met Jeff. He ran up next to me and asked what my pace was. I replied: “No idea.” Truthfully, I didn’t care. I just wanted to finish the race. Jeff told me he wanted to run under 9 minutes a mile and I thought that sounded good. So, for the next six miles I ran with Jeff. We made some small talk, and spurred one another on. This was my first “race” since high school when I ran cross-country. For Jeff, though, this was just another typical Saturday morning. He likes running and participates in a number races throughout the year. I thought Jeff was a little crazy, but nonetheless, a nice guy.

Around mile eight, I realized that I was going to finish the race. Furthermore, I realized that Jeff was playing a huge role in helping me run. Maybe it was his enthusiastic remarks or the fact that I had somebody to keep in step with. Whatever the reason, my run that day was better because of Jeff.

Jeff’s willingness to befriend me and run with a complete stranger taught me a little bit about encouragement. There have been numerous spiritual gift questionnaires I’ve meticulously filled out and received encouragement as one of my gifts. I don’t know how accurate those tests are. I had a junior high student fill one out once and his number one gift was “speaking in tongues.” He asked me if that meant Spanish. I told him yes and it also meant the ability to speak Elvish.

My understanding of spiritual gifts has changed over the years. I’m not sure if encouragement is a gift some people have and others don’t. I think we often equate “being nice” with encouragement. (However, I know some really nice people who are not encouraging.) Real encouragement, though, is deeper than good manners and sentiments. True encouragement has less to do with the actual words we use and more to do with the time we’re willing to share with someone.  It has to do with presence. When we can say we’ve shared life with a friend and stood by their side through thick and thin, perhaps, then, we understand encouragement. I have people in my life who are constant like that. I know they will stick with me as the miles add up. Encouragement happens in those moments when someone asks us where we're heading. It continues when they stick by our side for the remainder of the journey.

Thoughts on Phantom of the Opera

I’ve only been to a few musicals. It wasn’t something I did growing. I mainly stuck to things I was familiar with like sports and action movies. All that changed, however, when I met my wife; a true thespian. She has shared her love of theater with me and I am grateful. Moreover, I feel slightly more sophisticated these days. The other night we went on another musical adventure, this time to see Phantom of the Opera.

While watching the production live, I realized that Phantom is a good story, full of themes that touch the human spirit. The main character, the Phantom, is a confusing and remarkable character. Throughout the musical he appears to be searching for something. Through allusions in the play, as well as knowing the background to the story, we figure out he desires acceptance. His life has been defined by failure and rejection. As a viewer, you don’t know what to make of him. Is he the villain or the hero? He does both heroic and villainous deeds in musical—murder, extortion, sacrifice, stalking—and you are drawn to ambivalence about him. I heard one writer describe the Phantom as a “Parisian Batman.” (After all he has a cool lair and some sweet gadgets. Furthermore, he has his own Phantom-boat which sort of looks like a gondola designed by Tim Burton.) What do you do with this character? You are mesmerized by him and scared of him. Kind of like Carrot Top.

The ambivalence continues as the story proceeds. You feel compassion towards him because of the facial scarred, Harvey Dent look he’s sporting. He desperately longs for compassion and your heart goes out to him. On the one hand, he has this bad boy image. He’s dark, elusive and has a great singing voice. This makes him romantic. And then you have to deal with his creepy stalker persona. Needless to say, he is complicated. My wife made a really good point about the “emotion” portrayed by different actors who play the Phantom.  At times, the Phantom comes across as defeated and weak. In the movie version, though, Gerard Butler does an amazing job of showing the Phantom is not a helpless, pitiful creature; rather, he is a tortured soul, in deep agony over his predicament. He is in love, even though he finds himself unlovable.

The ending scene I found particularly powerful. After the Phantom has unleashed his villainous rage on the opera house, he kidnaps Christine and takes her once again on his scary gondola ride to his secret lair. When the man she professes to love, Raoul, comes to her rescue, the Phantom puts a noose on his neck. He then tells Christine to make a choice: live with the Phantom and spare the life of Raoul or reject the Phantom and Raoul dies. A dilemma indeed. Christine, though, has a different plan. She pleads with the Phantom and then makes a bold move: she kisses him. The kiss causes something to change in the Phantom’s mind. It is a pivotal, musical-altering moment.

In writing and film, a kiss is often a symbolic gesture in many ways. A kiss symbolizes affection, love, even sacrifice. In this instant, the kiss reveals that Phantom has finally been shown acceptance and compassion. Until now, he’s only known rejection. He has become a slave to finding some way that he can be complete. Earlier in the musical when rejected, he lashes out on those around him. He has tried through the power of music and seduction, but was denied. Acceptance has always been his pursuit, his endeavor and his initiative. In the final scene, though, Christine chooses to share this kiss with him. The Phantom receives it. In all of his efforts to attain the one thing he desired, it happens without his initiative. He releases Christine and Raoul, and the musical comes to an end.

An easy way to figure out if a play is a comedy or tragedy is whether or not the main character gets what he wants. Although the Phantom doesn’t win the affection of Christine, it doesn’t mean the musical is a tragedy. He certainly pursues her and we can assume desires her, but there is something deeper that he as longed for: freedom. The Phantom has lurked in the shadows for years, searching to be free from his predicament. It becomes his obsession to the point of stalking his protégé and threatening her in order to find acceptance. But he doesn’t get it in this way. He becomes even more estranged. Finally, though, acceptance is given in the form of a kiss. Something he could never take, but only receive.

We want to live free. Perhaps this freedom we desire is from a sin or compulsive behavior. Maybe we desire freedom from the voice of self-doubt or low self-esteem, or even from our past. No matter what the desire, freedom will not happen by working harder or striving further in our lives. We cannot do enough to acquire it. Just the opposite is needed—to stop trying and start accepting. True freedom happens when we choose to receive from God.

Freedom is a byproduct of receiving life in Christ. Can we accept what Christ has done, and start a process of transformation, partnering with God’s Spirit at work within us. Can we choose not to take, but rather to receive what the Father has already done for us? 

Run for the DR

It's interesting how often Scripture describes our lives as being short and fleeting. Our lives are described as "blades of grass, surely fading fast"; or, a "mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." It really makes you think about how you spend your time on this earth. If we only have one life to live, how will we live the best way possible? Or, think about this: what if you knew you only had one year, or even just one month left to live?  Would that change how you viewed each day? Would that change how you spent your time on this earth? Kris Allen, winner of American Idol a few years back, has a song called Live Like We’re Dying. It’s a catchy song, but also has a profound message: Would our lives look different if we lived each and every day like it was our last? We asked our youth group a similar question this fall: How can we live the best lives possible for God? We came up with a few ideas.

This October, our youth group, The BURN, is raising funds for the Dominican Republic. This past summer we met a missionary named Andrew Butz. Andrew is traveling to the Dominican Republic to build a Christian camp with the Eastern Dominican Mission (www.easterndominican.com). We thought that was awesome. We love going to camps in the summer and think kids in the DR should have the same opportunity. So, we decided we would do something to help. Our plan is to run. Now, we are not necessarily a youth group of runners or superb athletes; however, we feel that anyone can walk or run and that this simple activity can be used for a greater purpose. On October 23, we are participating in the Huntington Beach Distance Derby. We will run, walk, and crawl either 5 or 10 miles. Each student and leader is collecting sponsorship from family and friends to support the Eastern Dominican Mission.

For many of us, this will be a challenge. The last time I ran even close to 10 miles was in high school. That was a while ago. That was a time when I didn’t have any aches or pains, or a full-time job. Needless to say, this will not be easy for most of us. We are sacrificing our time. Some of us are changing our diets to help accomplish this goal. Nevertheless, we are doing this because it is going to make a difference. We know that partnering with Andrew and the Eastern Dominican Mission is going to bless God’s people. This is a small, simple thing we can do to make a difference in someone’s life.

I'm sharing this on my blog becasue I'd like to invite you to partner with us in ministry this fall. Perhaps you want to join us in this run. My doctor tells me exercise is good for me, so maybe you want to train with us and collect sponsorships as well. We would love to have you! Or, maybe you don't want to run, but want to partner with us financially. You can choose to sponsor one of us per mile we complete, or make a one time donation. I assure you, any amount will help the DR! I will be updating my blog (weekly I hope) with insights that we’re learning as we train together as well as the progress were making financially.

This fall, we are attempting to live like we’re dying. We’re running for the DR. Ole!

Memorable Scenes

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am kind of cheesy. Don’t worry. It’s cool… I’m over it. I realized long ago that I like corny jokes and the occasional pun. Plus, I am still a fan of Disney movies, happy endings, and idealism. Yep, I am inherently cheesy and corny. I often think of my “cheesiness” in relation to how others may view it. Whenever something momentous happens, I feel like I have to make a speech. Or, when saying goodbye to a friend or loved one, I have the strange urge to write them a poem or a sonnet of some kind that reveals my love for them. I can’t say I’ve ever done this, for fear of their reaction to such a grandiose gesture, but I have certainly thought about it. I’m trying to work on not caring so much about what other people think. It’s like what Bon Jovi said, “It’s my life. It’s now or never...I just want to live while I’m alive.” I guess I’m starting to realize that the moments that make up my life are worth remembering. Further, I don’t want to be the kind of person that lets a significant moment pass me by. Life is too short for that and I want to live while I’m alive… even if it means that I get labeled as “cheesy” once in awhile.

In his book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, Donald Miller talks about creating memorable scenes in your life. These are the events in life that you make a point to remember. Moreover, these are the ordinary, every day happenings that you choose to make memorable. I remember a buddy of mine in college asked me one day what God thinks when we say, “I’m bored.” He wondered if saying, “I’m bored” frustrated God, and God was confused Maybe God said, “How could my kids feel bored when they’ve been given so much life to live? How could they not enjoy the creation of another day of life?” I, too, wonder how I get bored at times when there are so many scenes to create.

This past Labor Day weekend, my wife and I were at a family camp near Yosemite. We had a wonderful time there with some great people. On our final day of camp we took out a paddle boat and were enjoying a relaxing time in the water. We paddled about the lake watching kid’s splash around and picked blackberries near the water’s edge. As we were making our way around the lake, something on the other side caught my eye—the flume. It was a giant water slide that launched its passengers several feet in the air, before they crashed into the water below. It was probably the coolest thing I’d ever seen. My cousin happened to be standing next to shore and suggested I give it a try. I didn’t have my swimsuit on or even a towel with me. This bit of information, however, didn’t seem to stop him from encouraging me to ride the flume. “After all,” he said, “if you try it, then you won’t have any regrets.” No regrets. That was all the motivation I needed. I was ready for the flume.

A few minutes later I was handing over my cell phone and wallet to my wife and climbing the hill for the flume slide. I rode the flume, screaming the whole way down at the top of my lungs. I made a sound, actually, a screech, that I’m sure will be similar to the sound of Justin Bieber’s voice when he hits puberty. It was thrilling and it was definitely memorable. I’m not going to forget the giant flume slide, in my clothes, and the ability of my vocal chords to hit such high notes. It was a scene worth creating.

I had another moment happen recently that I wanted to capture as well. The other night, I said goodbye to some of our friends who were leaving. It was a surreal moment, the kind where you think, “This is not happening. Life is not about transitions and change, which sometimes require people to leave—you’re kidding me, right?” It’s the same kind of moment we all experience when we realize that we can’t change something or someone for that matter, and we have to accept the outcome for the way it is. It’s a reminder to relish in those moments because they are gone as soon as they appear.

Life tends to be full of moments to be experienced and memorable scenes to create. I’m pursuing what I feel is the best way to live. This means that I have to be cheesy sometimes. I have to be that guy who dances at weddings when no one else is on the dance floor, and the guy who goes down giant water slides with his clothes on. I need to speak what is on my heart and say what I want others to know. If my life is a story that I’m writing daily, then I want to create as many memorable scenes as possible. After all, I have to be true to myself. In the words of the great philosopher, Popeye, “I yam what I yam”; that seems to be enough motivation for now to keep creating memories.